Do Opposites attract?
With magnets and iron they do. I
was taught this important maxim by sixth grade in science class. It read on the
chalkboard “Opposites Attract” and we were shown a magnetic experiment. This
experiment was designed to show properties of magnetism. We were shown a
magnet and a small bar of iron. But somehow, this idea has permeated our culture
and become a a widely held belief in our society and we apply it to everything. This ends up confusing us. We say that love is the opposite of hate when in fact the opposite of anything is nothing
Apathy is both the opposite of love and hate. They are similar since these are
strong emotions there. When neither party cares anymore is when the
relationship is over.
I believe that with regard to living things; like attracts like. Either by our
actions or our energy; we attract like-minded people to ourselves. (We weren't taught about magnetic fields) The misperception of this phenomenon is another speed bump to our growth. Confusion leads to stress and diminishes your
calm and therefore your ability to connect with your unconscious.
Once we recognize this subtle but
important flaw in our way of thinking our environment becomes a little more transparent and your
growth will be less impaired. As you grow you will attract others with similar
values. We already do it. Those who
have committed to certain way of life or share belief systems usually find themselves subtly attracted to each other.
There is no place where this attitude is more prevalent when it comes to dating and marriage. Life Science and others have assembled some
data on this. When looking for a partner, Pieternel Dijkstra a researcher from
the Netherlands indicated that 85.7% of people claim to want someone who had
opposite traits. “Our popular theory is that opposites attract”. Unfortunately
her theory cannot be proven. These relationships start well, but decay over
time, usually at about six months.
A study
by the University of Iowa in 2005 found that “Like minded people validate each
other’s beliefs and values leading to fewer conflicts”. A popular dating site reported that the majority of users were looking for some who balance their own traits, essentially an opposite. These relationships usually succeeded at first, but they usually failed after about six months, while those who sought partners similar to themselves had a higher success rate in maintaining long term relationships. These studies seem to conclude that
like attracts like. The notion of opposites attracting has been seen in the
short term but the attraction wanes because of conflicts.
Your selection of a partner may
have a huge impact on your life and we all should be aware of that. We may be
looking for opposites when we should be looking for like-minded people in our
relationships. The choices we make or don’t make regarding the people in our
lives can have an impact on our state of mind and therefore on our ability to
change and grow.
The same is true for friendships. In some cases they can actually what can only be described as a group mind. Everyone has the same belief system and they reinforce it in each other. To disagree is to risk social disconnection and this further reinforces the group mind. It is true for corporations, although the larger they are the less this is found. Cities and Universities have a collective identity, which is on full display every fall on Saturday and Sunday.
In a sense, these are like the human collective unconscious, but much smaller. They are rarely as large as the collective mind that Donald Trump has created. It is so large that it threatens Democracy itself and is reminiscent of Adolf Hitler since both command gigantic cults of personality. Every member shares Trump's ideas and ideals regardless of their feasibility or logic.
